7 Wrong reasons why People Marry
Many have believed that it is lovers who eventually get married, or better still, people got married because they loved each other. However experience from years of marital counseling has revealed that love may just be one of the many, and in some instances not even part of the reasons people get married. The litany of reasons why people marry might be mind blowing, especially of Christian marriages.
“It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a suitable companion for him” Gen. 2: 18.“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure from the Lord” Prov. 18:22.
These pieces of scripture informs us fundamentally about God’s plan for mankind concerning marriage, contrary to some of the weird reasons why people get married:
- As a reward for some favour:
“I married my wife because I felt I owe her, after all the good things she has done and sacrificed for me. She helped me a lot in my student days, and getting married to her is just my way of saying thank you” A number of young people will marry a partner not because he or she feels both are in love with each other or will make a great couple to achieve a common goal, but just as a reward.
- For a particular or unique service:
Some others married the partners as a matter of convenience. In some men for instance, they marry a particular lady because he finds her very dutiful and will thus attend to ailing parents, child or close relative.
- For financial and social security:
Contrary to some men marrying to earn themselves someone to attend to dutifully to specific needs of themselves or relatives, some women marry men who they find to be financially stable enough to take of their basic social needs and that of their children in the current and in the future. “I married my man so that he could provide a stable home environment for me and my children”.
- Marry for fame:
There are people who just feel fulfilled and extremely happy to be seen associated with particular personalities or families. These may be because of a strong family tradition, fame or antecedence. There are many instances of people wanting to be married to football, music, fashion of particular professional icons or television or movie stars. In such instances, the desire to bear the particular family name, or be seen as the spouse of the celebrity remains the leading driving force for marrying that person.
- Marry to relieve the pressure from home:
“I have had enough of questions about who my man is and when he is coming to pay the bride price and such questions. I just married this guy because he just came my way just to end the litany of questions and pressure from the family members about my marriage”. Our Ghanaian society, just like many other African societies, places a lot of value on marriage, and therefore when a woman achieves the basic of education or vocation and does not show signs of getting married, families begin to agitate, and in some instances leads to extreme anxieties and pressures on ladies in particular. Most women under such circumstances will therefore be compelled to accept any male who approached her for marriage just to take away the pressure, and not necessarily because she loves the man.
- Marry for sex:
The sexual drive among young people can reach fever levels in some instances which often leads to pre marital sex and the associated guilt that comes with it among Christian young people. To avoid all the guilt and to satisfy an intense sexual desire, some people just marry so they can sex on top of their shoulders. Though sex is to be enjoyed in the context of marriage, sexual desires should not be the fundamental reason why one person marries another, but contributory instead.
- Marry as a sign of responsibility or duty:
Some people get married out of the sense of duty, respect and commitment. A man may have gotten a lady pregnant and decide to marry her out of a sense of duty because he feels it’s the right thing to do to avoid disgrace and public ridicule for both himself and the lady in question. The man takes this step because of the respect he has for the woman and the desire to commit to her by fathering the child they both created. Under such circumstance, the overriding reason for getting married is the sense of responsibility and love may be secondary.
Whiles the above are not the fundamental reasons to influence one’s decision to marry someone or not, there are some good factors worthy of consideration in selecting a life partner; I believe one reason can never be enough to get married. Rather, one reason paves the way for the journey up to the altar. What happens after the solemnization will have to be worked out the entire journey of the marriage regardless of the reasons for deciding to marry.
Considering that marriage is a lifetime journey to be enjoyed, there is every reason to be married to the right person and for the right reasons, though the right reasons may be highly subjective. Despite the subjectivity, Love as a catalyst of happiness is needed to sustain a good marriage based on sound judgement and realistic expectations in a true Christian context.
It is instructive to conclude on the note that marriage is never going to be just easy, no matter the reason for going into, however with the right attitude and guidance, it can be amazing and wonderful, and achieving the very fundamental reasons God instituted it to be.
Credit: Ethel A. Lartey